For the last few months, I've been casually dating a very nice gentleman (I'll call him Sam). Sam is tall, handsome, talented, sexy, and very sweet.... yet for the past few weeks I had been wrestling with myself... feeling like I must be severely messed up for not being more attracted to him. In many ways I WISH the attraction was deeper because he is a hell of a catch. As most of us know, love is a many-splendored thing, but it is also very complex. You can't force feelings where there are none.
In the time that Sam and I were dating, I came to love him more as a brother than as a potential lover. After spending another refreshing and fun evening with him last night, I decided that enough was enough, it would be incredibly disrespectful and dishonest to string him along (Lord knows I've had my share of disappointments and people leading me on, so I know how it feels). In my characteristic awkward fashion, this evening I broke into a long discussion with him about our feelings. He is a sensitive and soulful person... My biggest initial fear was that he would be very hurt and would not want to have any more contact with me, but much to my relief... it turned out that he felt the same way I did. Through honest, heartfelt discussion, we have managed to roll this dysphoric romance back to a good friendship.
I am very grateful that he is remaining in my life as a friend. Sam is one of a kind. I just hope that he eventually falls in love with someone who will treat him right and respect him as much as I do. Thank God for clarity. I feel like a huge load has been lifted off my back.