Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Possible Hiatus???

Due to the impending temporary living situation mentioned in the previous post. I may not be able to blog or check my e-mail on any sort of predictable schedule, it will most likely be infrequent. If this blog seems to go dead for a while, I've simply put it into suspended animation until I am in a living situation that is at least semi-permanent. Bless you all and wish me luck with moving ;-).

Sunday, October 28, 2007


I'm sorry that my blogging is so sporadic lately (yeah yeah, I have made this apology several times over the past year for various reasons). Life has blown up in my face and I am frantically rushing around trying to pack it all in again... literally. My (former) landlord has lost the building my apartment is in to foreclosure, and my status as a flawless tenant means squat to the default loan company who now possesses my residence. This has been my home for four years and I will need to be out by this Saturday. One of my best friends also tried to commit suicide the other day and he was almost successful. Thankfully he was rescued in time and is now getting the help and counseling he needs. I've been handling some of his affairs and visiting him as frequently as possible in the midst of all this frantic packing. I'm praying for him and wishing the best for him and his family. There is also a certain level of detachment at this point which is helping me to deal with what is on my plate right now. A few months ago I started having a foreboding feeling that my strength and focus would be put to the test at some point soon; time to dig in my heels and take the bull by the horns again.

A positive side to what I am going through: My parents and I had a family sit-down while on vacation in August. Having felt strongly that our family was on a collision course with permanent division and strife; as gently and considerately as possible, I called my parents on the carpet for some of their past and current mistakes, pleading for more cohesion in the family and a change in the way that we deal with each other. I am not meaning to vilify them in my blog, they are only human and all of us make mistakes. One of my loved ones who was present thinks that I "let into" my Dad, but I actually choked back the vicious side of me that wanted to spew venom about some of the shortcomings which have caused me a lot of pain over the years. I have learned that allowing my hurtful, raging ego out of it's cage can never result in anything positive in the long term.

As a result of all this, the whole family is now making a sincere effort to be more tactful and kind to each other, which is bringing us all closer. Also, this has enabled me to see my parents in a more forgiving light. I would initially have had reservations about staying with them for a short while due to my sudden change in living situation (this point will become more clear when my essay is posted), but now I feel much more comfortable about being in their household. The peacemaker role is new to me and even if it puts me in difficult positions, it has so far made me a stronger, better person and I welcome the opportunity to act as a balancing force where there is discord.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


"The whole point of getting things done is knowing what to leave undone." -Oswald Chambers . . .file under the category of 'Sage Advice Which Has Come In Handy Lately'.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Latest Mewziq

A couple of great musical delights I've been into lately:

Pink Floyd
- The Division Bell: A friend of mine burned me a copy and I was so impressed with it that I actually went out and purchased a used album from Amazon. I can't believe that it has taken me this long to experience this CD; it is probably one of their most under-rated albums. Yeah, everyone has listened to Dark Side of The Moon and while it IS brilliant as well as being one of their most popular, solid albums, Division Bell has great lyrics and a distinct emotional ambiance which I feel sets it apart from their other work. It has a slightly melancholy feel with some uplifting moments and an heir of departure & finality to it. Below is a Youtube video of a live performance of my favorite song off this album, Coming Back To Life. I connected very intimately with this particular song because it describes the realizations and struggles I have been through on multiple levels in the past year.

The Rankin Family
- North Country: I've heard them off and on doing bluegrassy folk tunes, often with an Irish flavor in VPR's lineup. I enjoyed what I've heard so far and after seeing this CD for sale at a local thrift store for $2.75 , figured it would be more than worth the price. A few of the tracks are a tad hokey, with a sappy-fake folk ballad feel to them, but I still liked most of the other songs. Click here to listen to the signature song from this album (my favorite). Here is a (non-embeddable) youtube video of another good song from this CD, Rise Again.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Recent Happenings

I've been feeling a bit bedraggled lately, but continue to press on. There is a lot of drama going on all around me and several of my friends are in the middle of a time of crisis. I do what I can to help and it does feel good to be able to see them through the tough times, but sometimes I wonder if I allow myself to get too close. One of my long-running shortcomings has been in carrying others through bad times instead of stepping back a bit and walking beside them while letting them learn how to carry themselves. It brings to mind the saying "Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, you feed him for life." I have a hard time striking a balance between giving too much, giving too little, and finding precisely what to give. I need to keep remembering that I am only human and our lives are an art which we are continually perfecting.

I just finished reading a copy of Running With Scissors lent to me by a coworker. All I will say is that it is both hilarious and horrifying, mostly due to the fact that it is based on true events in someone's life. At my sister's urging, I've finally dug into the boxed set of The Chronicles of Narnia which I purchased back in early August. I am already on The Silver Chair (fourth book). I read parts of The Chronicles back in third or fourth grade as an assignment and due to the nature of the assignment, I hated the books at the time. Now I love them and find them to be a great mental vacation as well as spiritual/emotional soul food. As I've likely said many times before, I am thankful for my sister. She is very well-versed in literature and always seems to know what readings to recommend to me when I am feeling depressed or worn out.

A while back, my friends P and R hooked me up with copies of Wonder Falls and I watched the final episode last night. It had many common themes and the same general feel as Dead Like Me (not coincidental due to the two shows having a producer in common). Speaking of TV, I just read an article in a local paper where the folks in a housing development are up in arms about their cable TV rates being raised because of the recent Comcast takeover in my community. I can understand people being annoyed because of large rate increases on any utility, but what surprised me is the sense of entitlement with which they expressed their anger. Some seem to think that cable is a Divinely bestowed right and a necessity. OK, so maybe I am a little biased... I've not had any sort of paid TV programming package for over three years now because I couldn't justify paying $50 a month for a stripped package that did not come with any of the channels I wanted to see, and I DEFINITELY couldn't justify paying over $90 just to watch nature shows and historical documentaries. Not to mention the fact that my TV watching averages less than a half hour a day. I occasionally go weeks without watching any at all. TV programming has it's place, but real life is far more interesting and fulfilling than a passive, vicarious existence in front of a screen.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Too Early for Alzheimer's

Yet again, somebody I have no recollection of walked up to me in the grocery store today and greeted me as if we have been acquainted for a long time. This has been happening, on average, 3-6 times a month for the past few years. Someone crosses my path and they seem to know me very well, offering personal details that a casual stranger would not know, yet I've not the slightest inkling who the heck they are. Most times they don't even look remotely familiar and often they talk about discussions we apparently had where the subject matter, wording, and focus sounds just like something I would say. Sometimes I am able to place them. The rest of the time it is a bit unnerving but at least I've gotten really good at politely faking familiarity because I don't want them to feel bad or unmemorable. I know I partied hard in my late teens but DANG!! I don't think I partied THAT hard!!!