Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Woolman Hill Retreat

I am back from 'Beyond Queer 101: A Retreat for LGBTQ Quakers' down at the Woolman Hill Retreat Center in Deerfield, Massachusetts (see pics below). The retreat was a fruitful time of introspection, discussion, and an opportunity to make new friends. The facilitators had great energy and were very good at working with us as a group. The scenery was lovely as well. The retreat was good for me on many levels. I met some interesting, beautiful people and it was awesome to be able to share time and experiences with a group of LGBTQ folks who also share my spiritual values. I definitely feel like I walked away a better person than when I arrived.

During worship on Sunday, somebody spoke centered words of reassurance that we are not abandoned... it hit very hard and close to home. While there is much more significance to this, I am not going to press this topic. It is more than I care to write and it will be cleared up at a later time. There is much work for me to do on myself yet. The efforts put forth in the last year of my life have not been in vain, but every time I try to give control over to the creative, caring, passive parts of my person, they immediately get tackled and throttled into silence by my raging, aggressive ego who doesn't want to be vulnerable again, remembers every detail of the pain I've been through since my teen years and wants desperately to keep control over me, even if it means stunting my emotional and spiritual growth. The weekend has been good for me... the raging ego is still there, but it has a few degrees less control over me. I don't know what life is bringing me, I still hurt a lot and wrestle with feelings of abandonment by many of those whom I used to be closest to, but my vision isn't as foggy as it used to be and there is new insight working it's way in through the cracks. I'm still cleaning out my life, still a work in progress, always will be I suspect. I hear that the journey is the best part of getting there.

Some of the cabins at the retreat.

The meeting house at sunrise

The retreat center

The retreat center at sunrise

A funky-cool little yurt at the edge of a small woodland pond on the retreat grounds

1 comment:

McPolack said...

Love the post, love the yurt, totally get the ego thing, and I applaud you for trying to find your way to God in world where many religions want to shut out anyone that is other.