Rant on Stereotyping

While perusing Digg today, I happened to follow a link to this video.

While it was campy and I found it mildly amusing, it was also offensive in it's stereotyping. I realize that in a broader social context, things like this may ultimately help the LGBTQ community in much the same way that inroads in the entertainment industry (despite some of the shameful exploitation and stereotyping) gave the black community more public exposure and helped to start a long-running dialogue with the rest of what was (and in some ways still is) a very privilege-based, racist society.

What bothered me most about this video I think is that I and many others are the target of this sort of stereotyping and misunderstanding. It brought back an incident which happened last year where I was introduced to a woman via a friend and the first thing which came out of her mouth was "Oh, so **** mentioned that you are gay, this is awesome, I love gay friends!" I shrugged this off at first because I have encountered it many times before and despite the fact that I know it is based on a stereotype, it is at least well-intentioned. Soon after that awkward introduction she proposed the idea of going out shopping, with me as her fashion critique and then hitting the clubs. This was a bit too much to take and I explained to her in an indelicate manner that I was not a walking stereotype.... I generally dislike the world of fashion, am not interested in pop-culture, don't like clubs and I am not terribly good at dancing. Further, I explained to her that, "I am nobody's TOKEN GAY FRIEND!"

Just because someone wants a guy in their life who has the potential to give them support & social interaction without the possibility for sexual entreaties complicating things, does not mean that anybody who happens to be gay will be a good fit. I for one am a direct, plain-spoken, grumpy bastard much of the time and I generally have no taste for partaking in most of the things which gay stereotypes represent. Stereotypes of most forms do exist, but they are only a small, prominent social bookmark within a much wider community which is far more reserved and eclectic. Further, I wholly support their right to be as they are and live as they see fit but for Heaven's sake, don't assume that just because I have an innate attraction to the same gender that I enjoy shopping for $900 clothing ensembles, have an inborn talent for applying makeup, and spend my free time drinking cocktails and popping pills to remove myself from reality while bringing my body to a state of near-collapse in a large, dark, people-filled room pulsing with laser lights and pounding house music. Does this sound like I am stereotyping my own sisters & brothers within the LBGTQ community? Hey, I've observed that the typification exists. I tried the clubbing/partying scene for a short time, seen what people turned into when they got caught in it for a long time and discovered that it wasn't conducive to a fulfilling, meaningful life.

If people like me, I want it to be because I am good with my hands and can build cool stuff out of discarded junk. I want it to be because I am filled with good advice and maintain a belief in the power of being truthful, because I can coax landscapes, broken lives and broken objects back into productivity; this coupled with an encyclopedic knowledge of nature and how things work. If people dislike me, I want it to be because I am eccentric, socially awkward and have a short fuse sometimes, because I am unfriendly and vicious when life gets to be too much to handle. I just want to be regarded as a person who has all the same strengths and flaws as anybody else in my particular situation. I detest the idea of somebody liking or disliking me just because I am gay.

Yeah, I feel badly for not being more sensitive and patient with that woman who assumed a connection/relationship where there wasn't one, but at least now she probably dislikes me for the right reasons.

Woolman Hill Retreat

I am back from 'Beyond Queer 101: A Retreat for LGBTQ Quakers' down at the Woolman Hill Retreat Center in Deerfield, Massachusetts (see pics below). The retreat was a fruitful time of introspection, discussion, and an opportunity to make new friends. The facilitators had great energy and were very good at working with us as a group. The scenery was lovely as well. The retreat was good for me on many levels. I met some interesting, beautiful people and it was awesome to be able to share time and experiences with a group of LGBTQ folks who also share my spiritual values. I definitely feel like I walked away a better person than when I arrived.

During worship on Sunday, somebody spoke centered words of reassurance that we are not abandoned... it hit very hard and close to home. While there is much more significance to this, I am not going to press this topic. It is more than I care to write and it will be cleared up at a later time. There is much work for me to do on myself yet. The efforts put forth in the last year of my life have not been in vain, but every time I try to give control over to the creative, caring, passive parts of my person, they immediately get tackled and throttled into silence by my raging, aggressive ego who doesn't want to be vulnerable again, remembers every detail of the pain I've been through since my teen years and wants desperately to keep control over me, even if it means stunting my emotional and spiritual growth. The weekend has been good for me... the raging ego is still there, but it has a few degrees less control over me. I don't know what life is bringing me, I still hurt a lot and wrestle with feelings of abandonment by many of those whom I used to be closest to, but my vision isn't as foggy as it used to be and there is new insight working it's way in through the cracks. I'm still cleaning out my life, still a work in progress, always will be I suspect. I hear that the journey is the best part of getting there.

Some of the cabins at the retreat.

The meeting house at sunrise

The retreat center

The retreat center at sunrise

A funky-cool little yurt at the edge of a small woodland pond on the retreat grounds