Putting Down Roots

It has been a little while since I last posted here. My world has been busy. Springtime has brought mud season... many days of standing outside in knee-high "sh*t-kicker" boots .... rooting around with a shovel, trying to muck out ditches which have long since been filled in with silt; working a large chainsaw to fell more trees and make next year's firewood while clearing land for gardening (and hopefully making it less likely that said trees will fall on my house). Did I mention that the power lines to my house no longer consist of separate leads with some sections of bare copper threating to start a fire if the 3" gap between them were ever bridged? Many thanks to one of my roommates (a former lineman) who helped to make this possible.

Some of my friends haven't heard from me for months. I hope they don't think I've forgotten about them. May they understand that I am busy building something for myself and others. It is where I find the most peace.

Some days I stumble around the yard, dragging brush and thinking about the past as I pile it up, piling up the past and putting it away again in the back of my mind. I go for long walks in the woods with my dog, trying to draw a line from there to here. Heh, it's been a wild ride. I didn't even realize it, but I'm standing taller and putting down roots. In the middle of rough times, a long-time dream happened simply by yielding to the gentler path and learning how to put the Ego back in His cage (Ok, so he still reaches out from between the bars and takes swipes at others, I'm not perfect).

My late ex doesn't pop into my head much anymore. He is still there, sometimes smiling and laughing (those are my favorite memories of him), sometimes I see him being angry, hurtful and vindictive. Sometimes I see myself being angry, hurtful and vindictive. Sometimes when I am wandering off the trail and my mind is blank, I look up and see him and/or other people from my past, standing there and looking happy, sometimes showing me where to go. I feel like I could reach out and touch them, but they disappear as fast as they came. The human mind is a strange thing. I wish I understood mine more.

These experiences all came from somewhere, went somewhere, are currently going somewhere. Worrying excessively about the future and replaying the dark parts of the past is counterproductive though it seems like human nature to do so. Still trying to keep the past in perspective, examine it, learn from it, put it away and let it build a solid foundation for what is to come. Easier said than done sometimes.

Have I become calmer and wiser over the years? One likes to think so but is not yet fully convinced. I am now almost 30 and feel like it has been only a week since I was a teenager. Should I start planning to affect a mid-life crisis in a few more years so people don't think I am abnormal? No, I think it is sufficient to keep them convinced that I sit on a bit of controlled madness.

Gun Attack!!!???

On Easter Sunday Pepper and I were driving back home after visiting my parents for Easter dinner. I was slowing down & coming to a stop at a light on a four-lane section of the road in downtown Claremont. The tan-colored pickup truck ahead of me was pitching to the left next to the other stopped vehicle at the light. It had a bunch of veteran-themed bumper stickers on it. The driver put his hand out the window, seeming to brandish something that he was pointing at the folks in the front seat of the darkly-colored jeep next to him. He was holding it and pointing it like a gun... I felt my face flush and get tingly... my heart felt like it jumped up behind my larynx. A rapid-fire series of thoughts went screaming through my head:

"HOLY CRAP!!! This is rural New England, this type of stuff does not happen here, especially not in broad daylight!!!!"

"I am about to witness a murder, memorize the make & model of the vehicle along with the plate number!!!"

"I should ram him, it might throw off his shot!" *heart pounding out of my chest*...

As I revved up the engine and got ready to let off the clutch, his hand turned slightly and I saw that it was not, in fact, a gun, but an eight-inch-long package of rolled candy which he was passing to the person on the passenger side of the vehicle next to him. He was holding it pinched between his thumb-joint and the knuckle of his index finger with the candy sitting parallel with his wrist and his hand clenched, thus looking like the barrel of a handgun.

When the light turned green, the truck pulled away and I realized that I was still staring at the back of it as it got to the next set of lights, with white-knuckled hands on the shifter and the wheel, my left foot quivering on the clutch. The person in the car in back of me began to honk his horn angrily because I was holding up traffic. I let off the clutch slowly and pulled ahead as my heart-rate began to slow down again.

It is extremely rare that I ever do something impulsive let alone an action with the potential to be life-altering. That driver will never know that he came within a split second of a damaged truck bed along with a probable case of whiplash and/or a broken arm that day. Even though I was erring with the welfare of others in mind, it would have been a very awkward apology as well as an unbelievable explanation to the police. It was one of those moments which felt like an hour compressed into a few seconds.

Moral of the story: it is generally a bad idea to pass things from vehicle to vehicle while in traffic, especially objects which can be mistaken for weapons. Oh yeah, and look before you leap.

Three cheers for the path not taken!

Chinese Bluegrass

Picked up off BoingBoing: Crazy-awesome fusion tune integrating traditional asian instruments into the bluegrass genre!

House Of Escher

Yay! I'm FINALLY posting pictures of my country shack... only a year after promising to do so. It has been dubbed "The House Of Escher" because the varying angles of walls, floors & skewed frames/casings inside might loosely resemble a M.C. Escher painting. Keep in mind that the original structure (built in 1939) is the small section that you see the mudroom/entrance tacked onto on the front (on the left in the picture below), it is also the only part on a proper foundation. All the other rooms sit on a combination of piers, posts, blocks and a slab. Every single room is an add-on and every room is a different age. The house has settled at strange angles and the back half of it sits about a half-foot lower than the front half. Some of the additions were put on after it settled. You all think I'm nuts for taking this place on yet? If not, you will need no further convincing after I post pictures of the interior... I just need to edit out all the dust, grime, vermin, bat-skyte-crazy repairs/"upgrades" and general threats to public health... which I expect will leave a perfect void in place of the original photographs.

East side, the small pine tree has since been removed, and the weird collapsing wood-shelter/whatever-it-is attached on the far right is in the process of being torn off. Note the 3 separate chimneys: I was told that every room used to be heated by a separate woodstove. These will eventually be torn out and replaced with triple-wall metal stovepipe.

South side: again, this section on the front was the original structure, a tiny cabin, now it serves as the kitchen area.

West side.

North Side

Creative engineering/architectural marvel of the 21st century. A toolshed... with a long roof addition to serve as a woodshed... and the sun-porch which was apparently cut off from a mobile home... sitting on the side of it. I've since torn most of the tattered plastic off and enclosed the front of wood-storage area.

Late 70s/early 80s(?) model of mobile home which came with the property. This will be deconstructed at some point within the next year or two and many of the materials will be re-used to upgrade the main cottage as well as the tool shed.


Northwest side


Front yard facing south, dirt road in the background


Main yard facing southeast from the house. The planter is an old hot-water tank which was cut open and welded to angle-iron legs. Some of my friends think it is either hilarious or ugly. I am keeping it because I love to see low-brow junk recycled into something useful.


Main yard facing east from the house. The brick fireplace on the left has since been torn out and replaced with a stone fire pit.


Back part of the main yard facing north. The picnic table and everything you see in these photos came with the place. The random well-tile-turned-flower planter has since been emptied and put on the well: an engineering conquest I am proud of because I did all of it myself using a rope, breaker-bar lever and a come-along winch to move it fifty yards onto the well (and it weighs at least as much as three of me).

"Not so bad" you might be thinking? It is way shabbier and mind-bending up close. These photos were taken in the first week of moving in last year. Much has changed since then: Many trees cut down, a lot of equipment moved around... piles of pallets everywhere... but a lot of the junk has also been consolidated or eliminated. A work in progress for AT LEAST the next half decade I think.

I always have plumbing problems...

...on Sunday mornings when I am getting ready to head to Meeting; currently waiting for one of my roommates to wake up so he can help me troubleshoot an inexplicably dead well pump. So much for my plans for the rest of the morning :( *Sigh* This too shall pass.

In other news, due to the fact that I now have broadband internet access at home. A video of "Boscoe," previously mentioned in this post has been YouTubified. See below for something big & hairy.

2 More Blessings To Count!

Despite the fact that I live way out in the sticks, high-speed internet is now available thanks to one of my roommates calling up and schmoozing the local cable-company folks. (Have I stated how envious I am of people who have the ability to politely finagle things out of others in such a way that all parties are satisfied with the arrangement!?) This was the same cable company who gave me a pretty firm "no" several times (due to the fact that my house is so far from the main tap). After Matt spoke to them, they came and strung almost a thousand feet of RJ11 cable from the trunk line out on the main road and regardless of the distance, there is excellent signal strength. I don't know how he convinced them, but I am extremely grateful for it.

So that huge ice storm we had back in early January caused ice to build up on the electrical lines and rip them right out of the house. The linemen came by and fixed them but the electric company sent a letter a couple weeks later telling me that they fixed it this time so that I would not be inconvenienced, but they would not fix it again because the lines were unsafe and I needed to update the entrance. This is due to the fact that it is the extremely outdated separate-lead arrangement: 2 separate wires, bare in some spots, no ground wire, strung over numerous poles and weaving through 400 feet of large white pines (another random disconnect waiting to happen once of of those trees decides to fall or drop a large branch, as large white pines are known to do frequently). In the process of having the cable strung, my roommate also looked into getting the electrical lines re-strung to my house and as it turns out, the electric company has been wanting to do this for years and will be covering the cost of the entire arrangement all the way from the road to the meter base! I thought I was going to have to pay over a thousand bucks to buy a pole and have it set in my yard! Now I don't have to kiss my tax return goodbye!

Quotey quote quote...

I remember this quote vaguely from a junior high literature class, today I spotted it on a coffee mug of all places.

"Greatness is not in where we stand,
but in what direction we are moving.
We must set sail sometimes with the wind
and sometimes against it-but set sail we must,
and not drift, nor lie at anchor."

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

Incidentally (and totally coincidentally), I've had pets named Oliver and Wendell... it appears I have a name in place for the next one.

Leisure Time

After Meeting today the 'Marmadoofus' and I took a long, exploratory cross-country ski trip on the ridgeline above my house. I really wish my camera was in working order right now because the scenery was incredible and I would like to have shared it. It was the first day of leisure that I have taken for a long time.

It was my guess that the main trail would at least be packed down by snowmobile traffic, but no. It was unbroken since the last eighteen inches of snow had fallen, except for a lone set of snowshoe tracks zigzagging around and disappearing into the woods. The snow was packed down enough under the tracks to let the skis slide easily but one had to stay alert enough to keep the skis in their place because the packed trail was so narrow (try doing back country skiing some time in deep, ungroomed powder and you will know exactly why it is better to have a packed trail). It looked like the person who made my trip easier and more interesting knew the woods well and had a preference for the older-style snowshoes, which were a little over three feet long and made of stretched rawhide on a wood frame. They also apparently used ski poles and stopped frequently to admire the scenery. It is amazing what you can learn about someone when you observe their footprints.

I am glad I decided to follow the snowshoe prints because they led me onto some beautiful woodland side trails which I never knew existed before due to their entrances being obscured by trees. This will come in handy when I am hiking in warm weather again!

The wood stove kept the shack cozy & warm and it nicely warmed the bowl of soup I left on it for my arrival back home. After heating up my insides we visited the roomies over in the trailer, watched a bit of the Super Bowl (only to discover that I still have no taste for competitive sports viewing), I only stayed for the first minute of the halftime show because Bruce Springstein seemed to be drunk or on something and I don't really like his music anyway. After soaking in the tub for an hour I find myself sleepily writing this post out of a slight pang of guilt because I don't write much any more and some of my friends in distant places only keep up with my doings on this blog. This slice of New England winter was for you guys. Jen and Jeanette, you are evil for moving to Hawaii and I am insanely jealous :-P.

I gotta go grab a few armloads of wood from the shed and then catch up on some sleep debt. I love the skiing but here's hoping March and mud season will be here soon.

Bartholomew Prewitt

That name has nothing to do with anything, besides the fact that it popped into my head the other day while I was taking a shower and it won't leave. I like it because it is a good, strong name with a New England flavor to it. If I were a writer it would be used as the name of a main character in a story, probably a protagonist. Do other people think this way or is it just me? Is it the result of damage or creativity? Maybe both? One compensating for the other perhaps? (insert raucous laughter here) Adaptability IS one of the coolest aspects of our species I think.

Continuing with random thoughts:

I spent part of my day splitting 2' - 2.5' diameter log chunks. I got well over half a cord out of two hours of work. My body is reminding me that it was hard work, but I feel satisfied that it was worth it.

Ice dams are a royal b*tch when they won't let go of the edge of a metal roof.

I can't wait until gardening season.

"I think I may have C.D.O. It's like O.C.D. except the letters are in alphabetical order, which is precisely the way they should be!" - spotted in Reader's Digest

Septic systems are evil sometimes.

Wild turkeys are hilarious when a group of 2 dozen of them attempts to roost in a tree which can't support their collective weight.

Pepper has moved past the spoiled, strong-willed two-year-old phase of his puppyhood and is now in the mischievous four-year-old stage. He also gave me a black eye and almost broke my nose the other day. Hey now, don't go thinking that it's a violently dysfunctional parent/child relationship. While playing with him and bending down to pick up one of his toys he bounced upward and the top of his head hit me hard right on the bridge of my nose.

What kind of insane twit would put the support beams for a wood-shed directly on the ground instead of on cement blocks? Maybe the same insane twit who would plumb the vent from a propane-fired hot water heater into the same chimney as a wood stove. The amazing part is that it passed inspection before sale. Was the inspector blind or bribed?

Where have all the flowers gone? Long time passing. Oh yeah, it's winter (but I still believe it possible that there may have been a secret plot funded by the folk music movement. They convinced young girls to pick them, every one. When will they ever learn? This also begs the question "Where have all the young men gone?") Sorry for the painfully sigh-inducing pun. At least the days are slowly getting longer again.


Speaking of flowers, I will be seeing them again in a few months, having planted scads of crocii in my lawn and in the woods surrounding my property. For the non-plant savvy, they are among the first perennials of spring to poke up and bloom, often braving still- frozen ground and bursting through thinning areas of snow to bloom in defiance of the harsh conditions which keep most other plants dormant until at least a month later. I like them because they are plants of civil disobedience, thumbing their nose at the cold and having a peacefully riotous party to let Old Man Winter know that he is losing his grip on yet another seasonal cycle. They do it year after year, multiplying every season and never losing their spunk or their will to persevere through unfriendly conditions. In essence, they are the first revolutionaries to pave the way for the more stately and sensitive plants who will dominate the landscape shortly thereafter.

Knotty pine is dang hard to split, even when frozen.


Yo-yo Ma, Edgar Meyer and Mark O'Connor had incredible synergy producing the fusion bluegrass/classical album entitled Appalachia Waltz. Even if you like one genre and not the other, you will probably still like this album. At least give it a listen and buy it if it inspires you as much as it inspires me. I can't stop listening to it.

If my neighbors doubted my sanity before, all doubt was removed a few weeks ago when I scaled a 45-foot spruce tree in my yard to cut the top off as a free Christmas tree for friends (it is a tree which would have had the top pruned anyway to keep it from shading the front of my house, I really like my sunlight.) At least a couple of them were observing me from their windows, seemingly with looks of bewilderment. I think they might view me as a harmless crazy. I can live with that. If any of you ever doubted my sanity before, I think I have removed all doubt in the above paragraphs. Country life is turning me into a nutter while winter has me holed up in a ramshackle cottage ;-). No complaints, I wouldn't have it any other way!

P.S. Yes, I know that "crocii" is not the correct vernacular for the plural form of crocus, I just like the word.

Insane Lumberjack & His Faithful Sidekick

One of the great gifts my parents gave me for Christmas was a special type of log-splitting axe called a Chopper One. I gotta say, it works magnificently... splitting log chunks in one stroke which would typically take a half dozen strokes with a sledgehammer & wedge. I also happened to have brought my chainsaw with me to cut up some tree limbs which had fallen in my parents' yard due to the recent ice storm. My parents are always getting gag gifts to go with the practical ones so they bought me a plaid flannel shirt and faux-fur-lined woodsman's hat to complete the ensemble.

Both pictures courtesy of my father.

I bet he could tow at least a small sleigh.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas...

...and feel a heck of a lot like winter. There have been several dustings of snow here, amounting to only a couple inches. There is nothing quite like waking up on a Sunday morning, having your day planned in a relaxed fashion... only to go take a shower and receive no water... finding that the intake pipe from the well has frozen because of defective heat tape. My friend Matt P. was incredibly helpful, he threw on his rubber boots and waded around in 8 inches of mud, water & ice... helping me to strip the old insulation off the pipe and put new heat tape & insulation onto it. We had the water working again by the time it was dark. Oh yeah, in latest news... I've taken on a couple of sublets (friends of mine, including Matt P. who is seemingly handy in all things home-repair related), it was another unexpected occurence that happened on short notice and due to dire circumstances in their lives, but it has been a blessing for all of us; Pepper included because he now gets more socialization and play time when I am not home. Speaking of which, he sends Season's Greetings to all of you!

Pic credit: My Dad

What A Difference A Door Makes....

....when you insulate it... that is... an unused & ill-fitting steel outside door within a crooked frame in one's bedroom. After stapling a couple layers of cardboard & plastic over the entire outer frame I no longer feel a 15-degree difference when walking from the center room into the bedroom and the ever-present chilly breeze blowing across my face when trying to sleep at night... is not there to wake me up anymore. Interestingly enough I slept better last night. Coincidence? :-p

I still feel a bit overwhelmed by the length of the to-do list of things to fix on this old cottage/cabin, but it is slowly becoming more manageable as I triage it in my head and plug away at the most urgent tasks. It also helps that I have an old friend who is extremely handy with all things home-repair-related moving in as my sublet.

Critterpalooza!

For lack of thoughtful or insightful things to post right now, I will try to pacify you with a roundup of various animal pictures, some of which have been on my camera since late winter.

"Fat Cat" has an appropriately descriptive name. He belongs to some of my friends who pitch a tent in my yard occasionally and they often bring him with them when visiting.

I told my friend Jen the other day that I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those people who talks about my dog way too much... and that promise has been shattered. I feel like the stereotypical proud father who bores everyone to tears with endless pictures and conversations about his new-born child.

Pepper hiked all the way up Mount Mansfield with me in Northern VT recently.

The endearing, maudlin "beggar boy" look refined to an art

This is what happens when we get too curious about porcupines!

Schmoozing with my friend Jeanette at work

Jen's two dogs: Kindred & Addie

"Stella", a white umbrella cockatoo

Spending time with "Kayden" (scarlet macaw) at work. He used to routinely draw blood on me but after establishing that he would not get his way by biting (and by repeatedly plying him with treats & toys) I have become one of his buddies.

A most unusual hand-raised baby sun conure who actually likes to sleep on his back. Countless times we had customers dutifully reporting to us that they thought one of our birds was dead. We eventually posted a sign to let everyone know that this behavior was normal for this particular bird. Side note: in the wild, this behavior would most likely cause this little guy to become another statistic to explain natural selection.

A jade goby who has taken on the habit of lighthouse-perching, might this be the piscine version of pole-sitting?

"Duchess" is a very beautiful and spoiled bearded dragon who visits us frequently when her family comes in to buy food for her.

My friend Josh has recently raised a breeding pair of angelfish, the two white dashes in the lower left corner are some of their babies.

Leaf Turtle: she is the most athletic turtle I've ever seen, frequently climbing in and out from among the rocks and scaling the side of her enclosure. I had to put extra weight on top of her cage because she kept escaping.

A "blue lobster" (actually just a selectively-bred species of crayfish) right after molting with his old shell visible directly above him. We leave the shells in the tank because they eat them and recycle the minerals.

I am normally not crazy about rabbits, but this little fella is admittedly cute and the most docile bunny I've ever met.

He will even fall asleep in your lap!

A young fox who hangs out behind my workplace

Chipmunk at my birdfeeder

Blogging Frustration!

I love writing.

I like the connection that it gives from me to you, the reader.

I enjoy the fact that this medium is far more cohesive than the words which come out of my mouth because I can proofread it and ruminate over it several times before posting.

But life keeps me from doing it on a regular basis.... I promise to post pictures of this and that, I promise to write more in-depth about this and that.... and end up completely forgetting or procrastinating. I send thoughts and initiatives out into the open and they wander around aimlessly, waiting for me to rope them and ride them to somewhere, but then the the dog has to go out. The phone line is so polluted with static that my internet connection randomly drops and sometimes cannot reconnect for the better part of an hour (I will be overjoyed when high-speed wireless internet is available in rural areas like mine). There are countless things around the house and property which need fixing and/or cleaning. Friends visit from out of town. Loved ones call in need of my abilities. I have to work full time and keep the bills paid while keeping my highly-energetic puppy entertained & exercised so he feels loved and will not fall prey to the mental afflictions which highly social animals are subject to when they are neglected.

I NEED TO BRING ALL IT INTO BALANCE!!! I don't mind the responsibility of it all. It feels great to be using more of myself than ever before, it helps me to grow; but there has NEVER been a time in my life when there was so much to do! It is critical that I learn how to juggle all this more gracefully so that I do not burn out.

My sincere thanks goes out to all those who keep up with my life here and I apologize that I can't visit with you more often. All good things in time. I will figure it out ;-)

(Almost) Unexpected Arrival!

It would seem that I waste no time... only a few months ago I was getting married to a mortgage and now...

...my two daughters...

...HAVE A BIG LITTLE BROTHER!!! Dang it, I knew I should have been using birth control!!! But seriously, meet the new addition to my household: "Pepper" is a seven-month-old, sixty pound lab/German shepherd/great dane mix who came into my life on unexpectedly short notice.

I had been wanting a large dog for a long time and now that I've bought a house my lifestyle no longer involves potentially inhospitable, transient living situations. Still, I was not even planning on looking for a dog until next year. The circumstances around his arrival are strangely coincidental: a couple months ago I saved a big indoor dog crate from the dumpster (it was being thrown away only because it was a bit rusty) and just last week I purchased a large, outdoor chain-link kennel in preparation for the dog I was planning to look for next year (planning ahead is my strong suit). I have maintained for the last few years that I really want a German shepherd or a mixed-breed with German shepherd in it. The day after purchasing the kennel (keep in mind that this purchase and the dog crate were not known to anyone in my family) I received a call from my mother telling me that a friend had a beautiful german shepherd mix puppy that needed a new home because his current family was moving into an apartment which does not allow dogs. I was apprehensive at first but decided that this was a sign and I should at least visit the dog to evaluate him and consider whether or not I am truly ready for such a commitment. He turned out to have a great personality and a good foundation of household manners/training already in place so I decided to take him.

He is a bit of an awkward adolescent puppy who has more growing to do, even considering his generous size at seven months old. Because of his youth and rapidly increasing size he comes off as being a bit dopey and clumsy and he is in need of some polishing on his training, especially in areas of spacial awareness, but he seems to have been raised in a good home with caring owners who gave him a lot of the basics he needed to be a good family pet. He is seemingly intelligent, great with children, gets along with other animals, knows a few commands, seems to have no aggression issues (even with food & treats) and is housebroken.

Again life smiles upon me! More proof that unexpected events are not all bad!

Pidgin

It is not often that I write about a piece of software on my blog, but I just felt I should drop a mention of Pidgin (for Windows, there are also versions for Linux and BSD)! For those who aren't familiar with Pidgin or it's defunct predecessor, GAIM. They are instant messaging clients which are capable of connecting to most of the major instant-messaging networks at once. I have one of the latest releases of Pidgin running on my home computer and it currently connects to instant messaging services by Yahoo, AOL, MSN, MySpace and Google all at the same time, and unlike GAIM it seems to have no issue with additional functions such as file transfer. Pidgin is free, open-source, has no advertisements or spyware, and it condenses all your instant-messaging accounts into one program with a clean interface. It isn't without it's minor bugs but I have been very pleased with it so far. If you are running a Windows machine I would highly encourage you to try it as an efficient alternative to having multiple, clunky, adware/spyware-infected instant messaging clients running at the same time.

Revisiting A Bully

While rereading and ruminating about this post, I recalled a wonderful, healing experience that happened a couple months ago.

I was working my usual shift and a well-kept man about my age came in and circulated around in my department... eyeballing me curiously. He approached me and asked me for assistance. After talking to him for a couple minutes and giving him the answers he was after, he asked me if my name was (real name). He then asked if I recognized him at all. I did not. As it turns out, he was one of the bullies I mentioned previously. He said, "I've been wanting to tell you how sorry I am for the way I treated you back in school. It was wrong of me...."

We had been pre-teens in a backwards country school with terrible administrators who did very little about problem behaviors at the time. Bullying complaints were not taken seriously, even those involving damage to property & physical harm. It was all chocked up to "kids being kids." Regardless of the his abusive tendencies (learned behavior from home) I still remembered him often since those years and worried about what might have happened to him as a result of the bad influences in his life. He was an intelligent kid, but also one who unknowingly wore his damage where everyone could see it; an angry little boy, sickly on many levels and it was easy to tell that some nasty things were happening to him outside of school.

I told him that I understood why he had been like that and he was forgiven. The guy has seen some horrors in his lifetime yet he still turned out OK! This whole experience blindsided me in the best possible way, leaving me glowing and teary-eyed. The kid came to terms with it all and became a better man! Moments like these are what I need to hold onto, keeping alive my faith in the future and a positive direction for our species.

Yet again I come full circle in some fashion. No matter how many times you go around before, the experience always changes; bringing something newer and better than the last time. Giving up on healing past hurts does not mean that life no longer wants you to have the cure for them. The sardonic realist side of my personality used to whisper in my ear that this stuff only happens in movies, never in every-day life. The cynicism is still there, but it gets quieter and less prominent as time passes. Forgiveness takes on new depth in my life, but there is still more to forgive, I'm working on it. Remember that sometimes when you give up seeking the answer, the answer seeks you out and dumps itself in your lap.

Clowny Clown Clown!!!

Ummm, I'm not going to try to explain this video or make any excuses for it because I just can't! If you have any taste for absurdity or abstractism, it will probably hurt your mind but make you want to go back and watch it at least once more. (Or it might make you close the browser window and curl up on the floor in the fetal position.) I am not responsible for any effect this may have on your mental health.


I was told that the dapper gentleman in this video is Crispin Glover in his early days of acting, when he was making forays into the world of abstract art films and whatnot.