The Throbblefoot Spectre

Due to temporary absence of creativity, yet another lack of pertinent title...

This past Sunday, for the second time, I attended a Quaker meeting at the Putney Friends' Meeting House. Even though I am just a silent spectator for the time being, I am really enjoying the structure (or lack of traditional church structure) at the meetings. A woman sitting close to me stood up and read a passage from a book which expounded on allowing yourself to be flawed, natural, and not have to put up a facade of perfection. The passage spoke of how we were created with our flaws for a reason. It is what makes us human, unique, and more able to give of ourselves. It really spoke to me on a deep level because as of lately I have been striving to live a more straightforward, authentic life. This has included admitting and accepting my flaws. This is not to say that one can't work on improving them, but truth be told I've been holding myself to a borderline impossible standard for years now and it has cost me a lot.

For a long time I have been walking through life trying hard to be precisely what American culture dictates we should be: strong, composed 100% of the time, intelligent, intense, passionate, and perfect in every way. Why is it so wrong to show your weaknesses? We walk around with this heir of false dignity, worrying about what everyone else thinks of us, losing ourselves in complexity (hiding from stigma), while we ignore many of the essential building blocks for true happiness. All for the sake of what? Approval? Popularity? Do the ends justify the means in this case? What do we have to show for all of our social athletics after all is said and done?

I can honestly say that ever since I have started admitting my faults instead of pretending they aren't there, I have better learned to deal with them and simplify my life... things have become clearer and there is an existential richness that I have never experienced before. I am progressing, but I still have a lot of growing to do.

Food Love, Early Autumn Hike

If Peterson Toscano is allowed to form a decidedly unorthodox relationship with food, then I sure as heck can feel comfortable with my own UFAs (Unusual Food Attractions). Thank you Peterson for paving the way to fostering greater understanding between the UFA community and the IFC (Indifferent Food Consumer) community. May we finally learn to live side by side in harmony. I know I will benefit greatly from your pioneering spirit. Now let me tell you people about MY new love: Better Soy Roasted Organic Soy Butter (mfd. by Wonder Natural Foods Corp.). I have tried other soy butters such as the IM Healthy brand, and there is just no comparison. Not only does this spread rock my world way more than any other brand of soy nut butter that I've tried, I can tell you with utmost certainty that it tastes BETTER THAN PEANUT BUTTER!

Picture of my new sweetheart, isn't he adorable???!!!
Alas, I fear that our love is doomed to be a short-lived whirlwind romance. I happened across only 2 jars of it while out on one of my discount food store runs... and they will probably never have it again and as of 20 minutes ago, google searches return only a handful of pertinent results with no information on where I can purchase more of it. Does anybody else have information on where I can find it or is this relationship doomed???

.

And on to less thorazine-worthy subject matter...

Friday brought me on a nice, long hike in the hills on the south side of town and here are a few pics I took:

One of the fields on the trail out into the woods. Filled with goldenrod, bumblebees, and hundreds of frenetically dancing butterflies.

Monarch Butterfly, Danaus plexippus

New England Purple Aster, Aster novae-angliae - one of my favorite flowers

Often mistakenly called "Indian Paintbrush", I can't find the true name of this one.


... and here is a brief video of the monarch butterfly that I spotted while in one of the upper fields behind the mountain.

I also saw a huge male moose while out hiking, I wish I had been able to draw my camera quick enough to take a shot, but by the time I had it turned on and ready, the only view I got was of the wildly swaying branches & shrubbery in his wake.

Random Pet Pics

My new pet goldfish, hanging in the living room window. Note the hanger... I was home alone and bored one winter day a couple years ago, I found several lengths of S-hook chain lying around, so I made this hanger. The nice thing about a hanging fish bowl is that I can keep an open fish bowl without having to worry about the cats getting into it or knocking it over.

"Spud" my roommate's very cute, very noisy, literally retarded cat....

...who also gives kitty-kisses.

Very Eclectic Day

So yesterday was a heck of an eclectic day... I started out the day by heading down to Putney, VT to attend a meeting at the Putney Meeting House (Quakers)... Truth be told, for the last few years I've been something of a lone practitioner of my Faith (due to the vehement anti-gay attitude, rampant hypocrisy, and poisonous dogma that I've encountered within the church) so I am currently on the market for a church where I feel that the true spirit of God and Christianity resides. The Putney Friends Meeting was a bit unusual within the context of my church experience. I was raised in Baptist/Evangelical circles, so the structure of the meeting/service is very different from what I am used to, but still there is something refreshing about this group. I've been reading a lot about Quakerism lately and thus far, it seems to make far more sense than some of the philosophies I was raised in. They seem like a very grounded group of folks and I am going to attend more meetings, possibly at different locations, before I claim to have any sort of real opinion on this particular religion.

While I was down there, I had a look around a really cool little thrift store. I forgot the name of it, but it was not your typical thrift store fare. There were a lot of new clothes in the mix, some nice antique items, a lot of art, and a nice selection of funky housewares. They were naturally more expensive than a standard thrift store, but the prices were still a decent value for what was offered. I also got a chance to sample a breakfast dish at the Putney Diner and I was very impressed. I think I'll be eating there again after the next meeting.

I got home around mid-afternoon, cleaned house, then I had Dimitri, Pasha, and Ronald over for dinner. Together, we cooked a nice, simple coq au vin, and Dimitri brought a nice pasta salad. Pasha brought some really good (if not slightly odd) appetizers: curried buckwheat pâté and homemade red bean dip. We watched the Dark Side of Oz and had a dessert of Ronald and Pasha's invention known as an "Apple Pie Milkshake". Wow, was the food ever good :). Minor side note: I owe about 80% of what I know about cooking to Pasha, the guy is a heck of a frugal gourmet in his own rite.

As feared, my new landlord has raised the rent, not just a little... he raised it 25%!!!! I went to the property manager to give him my notice that I would be moving out within 2 months and he immediately rescinded his first rent quote. We are now in negotiation over it and I am hoping I can talk him down to something far more reasonable. For those of you who don't know my housing history... the place I am in now was disgusting. My (at the time) partner and I dumped loads of elbow grease and sweat into getting the place fixed up nicely, and I have been enjoying a reasonable rent price because I am a low-maintenance tenant... I tend to do all my own repairs, I keep the heat turned down, and I am good to the neighbors in the building. For this town, $900 a month is a ridiculous price to pay for an apartment unless it is really large or completely furnished with all utilities included. Here's hoping that I don't have to enter the real estate market earlier than expected *fingers crossed*

Back onto a more positive note, the leaves are changing, the sun is shining, and there is more housework to be done, and I am out of here. You all have a good one :)


09/18/06 - Update: The building manager just came to my door and told me that he discussed the issue with the man who purchased my building and he has decided to leave my rent as it is!!! It certainly pays to speak your mind and state your needs in a plain-spoken, polite fashion. Thank Heavens I don't have to start frantically house-shopping!!

Apple Picking

Well, I went up to northwest Vermont to visit with my parents, sister, and grandmother. My parents and I went to one of our favorite apple orchards, Hackett's, located way up on Grand Isle. I picked some nice McIntosh apples (FYI: in case you aren't native to this area and not familiar with the best produce, Macs ONLY taste best when they are fresh off the tree), I also got a few nice pictures while we were there.

A couple shots of the Hackett's farm stand/store, this place is the absolute, refined essence of Vermont. It kinda makes me miss living in this state.

Me with a tragically strange case of hat-head.

Nothing says autumn quite like a grouping of ripe pumpkins.

My mother and father pretending to be Adam & Eve.

Snails

I was recently perusing the comic archives at Perry Bible Fellowship and came across this little gem, just thought I'd share :).

Click on the pic to see it greater detail.

The Greatest Nancy Panel Ever Drawn

With thanks, yet again, to the ubiquitously awesome and unparalleled BoingBoing, I came across this video blog link which pays tribute to the "Greatest Nancy Panel Ever Drawn".

It is rather zen with a touch of philosophical psychedelia... you really should watch it.

Vacation Pics Et Nauseum

Well folks, it was a heck of a nice vacation and here are the pics as promised. As always, you can click each picture to see a larger, more detailed version.

The camp where we all stayed for the week

View of the back yard from the camp

View of Mt. Elmore from the camp waterfront

My "niece" and I

One of my young cousins feeding the ducks

"Family Tree"- My younger brother in black, my older sister on the ground looking up, and three of my cousins

Taking a break while stacking wood at my grandmother & sister's house

A certain sibling of mine does not like to be photographed.

My "niece" again

My mother and one of my young cousins

Adorable little pygmy goats at the horseback riding place (note how rotund they are, we figured they were most likely pregnant)

Scottish highlander cow

My sister and little brother up in the saddle

Cousins enjoying the trail ride

My father on his horse

A rather odd chicken (known as a "Silky" I think???)

More goats

The road leading to the foot of the trail on Mt. Elmore

Group photo taken close to the summit, at the site of a burnt-down ranger cabin

My little brother and cousin clowning around on top of what is left of the old field-stone chimney

The fire tower at the very top of Mt. Elmore

Me in the fire tower, Lake Elmore in the background

Lake Elmore, view from the fire tower

View of the North end of the lake

Slightly fuzzy aerial detail of the camp

View of the southern ridge of mountains extending away from Mt. Elmore and the southern tip of Morrisville

...

A friend called me at the end of my vacation and told me that Tom had died a couple of days previous. I will be attending the funeral tomorrow with some of my family and friends. It isn't fair that he was taken away from this world at such a young age, but we all know that, within the framework of our best ideals, life just isn't fair. I wish that he hadn't suffered at all, but I am glad he is no longer in pain. Despite my personal anguish associated with him and the harsh circumstances that drove us away from each other, I can honestly say that I am a better person for having known him. May his children and the rest of his family be blessed, find peace, and heal from this. I will post vacation pictures when I am not in such a dark state of mind.

Update: I just got back from the funeral a few hours ago, it was a very emotional, sad day for everyone who was there. It was nice to see that so many people went to pay their last respects. He had a lot of friends. Now, I only hope that his children, partner, and the rest of his family will be able to cope and move on.

SPROOIIING!!!....*leaving a cloud of dust*

Well, it has been long-awaited and well-deserved. It's been about three years since I took a real vacation. Tomorrow, I am leaving for the beautiful little town of Lake Elmore, VT. My perennial favorite get-away spot. I've been there at least once almost every year since infancy... even for just an evening or two of camping & hiking. This time around, I'll be spending an entire week. There will be many pictures to post when I get back :).

Oh, and another blessing... I brought my car in to the dealership for an oil change yesterday... and they told me that it needed five different repairs... and my warranty expired over two years ago. How is this a blessing? Well, all of the repairs are covered by factory recalls and they won't cost me a cent.

Well, I gotta go finish packing. You all have a good one :)

PICTURES!!! (and more pet store nerdiness)

So the new digital camera rocks just as much as the last one, here are some recent pics:

A waterfall display that I recently built up at the other store. Note that this is a new construction and it looks a tad awkward because the plants and moss were not yet grown out at the time that this photo was taken. More pics of this display to come after it has a bit more time to mature and naturalize.

Detail of the waterfall.


Corner display in the stairwell that leads down to the fish room... before redecoration.

... and after redecoration. An improvement, no?

Yes, it's real. Having overcome my fear of them, I am now OK with handling the less agressive species of tarantulas.

Do you have a case of the willies yet?

Young male deer, pic taken on the same hike where I had the napping incident (read 2 posts back). This pic is fuzzy from being taken at a distance.

Tea Partay & Pet Peeve #4

WARNING: EXCESSIVELY SNARKY POST!!!

I just picked up this amusing little movie from The UVscene Blog!!! Thou must needs watch it right now!!! The producer is totally taking a jab at the stereotypical upper-crust New Englanders as well as one of my pet peeves: caucasian people from rich towns or hick-towns who think they are "gangstas" (despite never having been involved in any sort of gang; these are the ones who, if placed in a REAL gang-run urban environment, wouldn't last more than two minutes). These white hickstas (aka: wiggas) grow like weeds in my town, we had one working part-time at my place of employment last year. This guy styled himself (poorly) after Eminem, fancied himself to be a rapper, and is destined to go down as a legend in my annals of hilarity & ineptness.

The Wildlife Encounter, and Two Unlikely Responses...

.... OK, so the hiking bug was biting me something fierce while I was at work, so I had to satisfy this rigid compulsion immediately upon leaving my place of employment. I set off into the foothills yet again, picking berries and taking a few wildlife pics (which I will post when my computer stops being an evil bastard).. was wandering through an unmown field, came upon a large boulder jutting about a foot out of the earth in the middle. So I sat down on it for a little while, laid down to stare at the sky, and fell asleep. I woke up to a rustling noise, like footsteps crunching the grass near my head. I opened my eyes to a grey dusky sky with tinges of pink... and nearly leaped out of my skin as I beheld a huge male deer with what looked like an 8-point rack... grazing about five feet to the right of my head. This is not what one expects to see when they open their eyes, clearing the mental fogginess after a long nap. He jumped back and reared a little as I screamed like a lunatic and jumped to my feet, grabbing my walking stick... almost taking a swing at him, but my mind had returned at that point and I thought better of it. He stared at me in surprise for a few seconds, then let out a loud scuffled snort as he whipped around and jumped off through the open field into the underbrush, with his white tail waving wildly in the air, and almost with an heir of indignant irritation. I'm thinking I was far more surprised than he was. My hands may have finally stopped shaking, lol.

On a lighter note: Here's a warm shout-out to my parents and the people in their ex-gay "conversion" support group who think that they are secretly reading this blog in hopes of finding points of entry for "ministering" to me. In cordial response, I must say that it is hardly necessary... I am already being ministered to by the right sort of people for once. It is a bit ironic, almost bittersweet that I still pray for you the way that you likely pray for me: with the hope that your eyes will be opened some day. Please stop buying the lie before it's too late to repair any of this.

Hospital Visit

Some friends and I went to see Tom in the hospital yesterday. I thought that I would be able to just smile, offer encouragement, and as a friend be strong for him. One would think that I would be able to handle it better considering my background in the medical field, I've cared for and watched many people slowly lose themselves to cancer, alzheimer's, and a host of other tragic illnesses. After the first few I thought I had developed a pretty strong constitution for this sort of thing.

After a brief visit, I stormed out of the hospital in a fit of tears. It isn't easy to see a person who you shared almost three years of your life with... one who used to be well-kept, vibrant, happy, friendly, and full of life... wasting away in front of you. He can't sit up because it gives him seizures, most of his hair is gone because of the chemotherapy, his 4-day growth of beard is patchy, he is bloated from the medications, he has frequent, severe bouts of nausea, and he can't handle talking on the telephone or too much interaction with people because of the sensory overload that it causes.... due to the area of the brain that the tumor has invaded. They have stopped all treatments and he is in hospice. They are trying to make him comfortable, yet he is anything but. I am sad for him, his sons, his mother... and everyone else around him, witnessing his decline. I wish I could take away the pain that he and his family are going through. I wish he would be cured miraculously and have restored everything that has been taken away from him. I wish I were better at dealing with this sort of thing. May God be with them.

Blackberry Bumper Crop

Hmmm... is it already that time of year again? Around this time last year, I was out hiking the foothills around town in search of a decent harvest of wild blackberries... Last year wasn't the best year for wild berries in my area due to the extended dryness and lack of sun throughout most of the flowering & fruiting season. Well, whatever last year lacked... was more than compensated for this year. I went out picking berries very early before work yesterday and in just under two hours of casual foraging, my efforts yielded almost as much as four long, punishing hikes last year. I now have over a gallon of blackberries in my freezer and will be adding another gallon to that on my next day off. Hmmm... maybe time to start shopping around for an extra freezer??? There is something deeply satisfying about going out and collecting my own food from the wild.

Last weekend started rough, but it eventually made up for itself by allowing 2 days of perfect weather for enjoying the outdoors. I went up to Long Pond in Lempster to enjoy the weekend with friends... the beach is off-limits to folks who aren't residents of the town, but the boat ramp is public access. One can simply enter the lake at the boat ramp and swim about 150 yards to the island in the middle of the pond (which is state property and open to the public). I ended up towing my buddy M and one of his children to the island with the aide of a floating pool lounger (he has a broken foot). We hung out on the island for a while and I got a bit of a mild sunburn as well as some much-needed down-time. I also got to finally try some funky "otter gloves"- webbed neoprene gloves which I spotted in a discount store last year and forgot about until I came across them in the basement a couple weeks ago. Let me tell ya, these gloves combined with swim fins are a real trip. Yeah, they look a bit silly when you're wearing them, but they enable you to swim unnaturally fast... much to my delight and the potential befuddlement of boaters and clueless people up on the beach. I promise to post pics of Long Pond as soon as I get my camera (hopefully today).

Awwwwww!!! :-D

Today's moment of adorably cutesy zen brought to you courtesy of Cute Overload. :)



Also, using the "predatory" bidding style (swooping in during the last 30 seconds of an auction and submitting a higher bid before someone else has time to counter-bid) on Ebay, I won THIS CAMERA with a 1GB memory card, carrying case, tripod, and other goodies.. for the paltry sum of $265.00 (including shipping), not bad considering that this item plus all it's accessories would normally retail for over $500. It's almost the same model as my last one, but this one has higher image resolution and I'm mega-psyched to have won it. I'll be keeping a much better eye on this one (though I do wish they had Lojack for cameras).

The Mozart Festival

My buddy Matt took me to the Vermont Mozart Festival Birthday Bash, held in the meadow just beneath the Von Trapp Family Lodge in Stowe, VT. The music was beautifully rendered, our picnic foods were very rich, the sunset behind the line of mountains that is Smuggler's Notch was a lovely touch, and they had a raucous little fireworks display after the sky became dark and the music concluded. The drive up was worth it in itself. On the way up, we stopped at the Forget-Me-Not Shop in Johnson, VT - a funky little clothing store that is one of my favorite places to visit while on holiday up in that area, and we detoured through Smuggler's Notch to see the sights. I've not been through "Smuggs" for so long that I forgot how beautiful it was. The road seems to wind through a section of woods which gives the impression of a naturalized zen garden strewn with boulders and trees, which are stunted because of the elevation, but still clinging to life among the rocks (and with the help of mosses and lichens, softening the jagged edges). Yet again, a moment where I would kill to be in posession of a good camera. This was an evening well-spent :) Thanks Matt :)

Corny side-note: One of my coworkers went to Ozfest on the same day... interesting juxtaposition of musical styles and artists... he went to Ozfest, I went to Mozfest... hahaha.

Random News

I worked another (almost) double-shift up at the other store again today... boy do I wish I still had my camera to take before and after pictures. I'm working like a dog in an 80 degree environment with 95% relative humidity... but it's all worth it. You'll see what I mean when I get another camera and post pictures :)

I just watched The Hours (movie)... I don't say this often about a film adaptation, but I think it is actually better than the book. It has also piqued my interest in reading some more of Virginia Woolf's work... starting with Mrs. Dalloway (one of Ms. Woolf's famous works that this story continually parallels and makes references to). I also just finished The Bean Trees, by Barbara Kingsolver and OH MY WORD!!!... it has now been added to my list of all-time favorite books. Ms. Kingsolver has a good handle on writing. I find it hard to believe that this was her first published book, she has all the poise of a veteran wordsmith. You all need to read it too. I'm headed to the library tomorrow to pick up the sequel, Pigs In Heaven.

I received an interesting message on my voice mail when I got home from work this evening... it was a real estate agent politely informing me that she will be showing the building (and subsequently my apartment) tomorrow in the early afternoon. It would have been nice if my landlord had posessed the intestinal fortitude to inform me that my home was on the market. On the brighter side... I'm overdue for a shake-up... in fact if the worst does happen, it might just be the motivation I need to start checking out the housing market a year or two ahead of schedule. At the worst, I could throw all of my things into storage and uproot for a little while... I've been looking for an excuse to further streamline and simplify my life. As insane as it sounds, I wouldn't mind living in a tent until colder weather moves me into a more temperature-impervious dwelling. Oh well, this doesn't even qualify as a raw deal unless my next landlord turns out to be a twit. It is not a problem yet, so it doesn't warrant turning myself into a nervous wreck.

For those of you who have been following the blog... I've heard through the grapevine that my ex is terminal and they've stopped treatment for the cancer. He is now on hospice care and I know from experience that 99% of the people who enter hospice care are on a one-way ticket. I feel bad for the poor guy, as well as his sons and the rest of his family. It sounds cliche, but one never knows when their time is up... it gives me a lot of food for thought; I need to be more mindful of how my time is spent and what I am doing with my life. Regardless of the heartache, frustration, and anger that I experienced in conjunction with him, I still wish that I could remove his affliction. Despite his faults (and believe me, I'm not one to point the finger; I have my share of them too), he doesn't deserve to experience this; nor does anyone else in this world, save for a select few. But what can we do? Life rarely conforms to our flawed perception of equitable fate. Ultimately, it is out of our hands. May everything happen as it is meant to be.